


Don We Now Our Gay Apparel

by BroadwayBaggins



Category: Mercy Street (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Christmas Presents, F/M, christmas crackers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 13:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8893345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BroadwayBaggins/pseuds/BroadwayBaggins
Summary: Jed and Mary wrap presents.





	

“Is it too late to do gift bags?” Jed asked irritably, casting a dour look at his wife. The coffee table was littered with empty Chinese take-out containers and rolls of wrapping paper, and the TV was playing _Love Actually_ in the background, but Jed was too focused on trying to make the gifts for Mary’s nephews look halfway decent. Wrapping Christmas presents had never been his strong suit–his handiwork tended to look like it had been done by an inebriated elf at Santa’s workshop, which is why he much preferred to use gift bags or, better yet, gift cards that he could shove in an envelope and be done with it. But Mary had had some wrapping to do for the Secret Santa exchange, and he’d wanted to keep his wife company, so he had grabbed some of the presents they’d bought for her family, in a show of solidarity. Now, he was regretting his choice as he glared daggers at the lumpy present before him and tugged on the half-undone roll of wrapping paper that Mary’s cat had decided was the world’s most perfect place to sit.

“Jo. Move. Josephine. Get off the wrapping paper. Josephine!”

“I told you she’d do that. She loves to help wrap presents.”

Jed glowered as Jo contentedly washed a paw before flopping over onto her side, essentially covering the entire sheet of festive penguin-festooned paper. “And by helping, you mean being in the way.”

“Pretty much. She likes how it crinkles. And it makes her be the center of attention.”

Jed wiggled his fingers in front of the cat, trying to distract her. He reached for one of her many toys, a fuzzy purple mouse, and threw it hopefully towards the front door. She watched with a bored expression, then turned and began to tug and tear at the wrapping paper. “Jo!”

“Just pick her up and move her, she won’t mind.”

Jed rolled his eyes and attempted to push the cat away. She batted a paw at him once before meowing and slowly standing up, stretching out her long grey body and padding over to Mary, who she gently headbutted a few times before sprawling out on her roll of wrapping paper instead. Mary leaned over and rubbed Jed’s shoulder, her expert fingers immediately finding the tense knots and kneading them out. Jed hissed in pleasure.

“You need to relax. It’s just wrapping paper. The boys will destroy it in ten seconds flat on Christmas morning anyway.”

“Still, I don’t want it to look like shit before they open it.”

“You have the steadiest hands I know. Believe me, it’s a good thing this is the one thing you can’t do with them, otherwise I’d have to doubt that you were human.”

“What would I be instead?”

Mary considered for a moment. “Some kind of surgical robot, I think.”

“Doesn’t sound like such a bad gig.”

“Just take a break. A package came for you today. I’ll go grab it. Maybe opening a present instead of wrapping one will put you in a better mood.” Mary jumped up from her spot on the couch and Jed stole a last bite of now-cold orange chicken from one of the takeout containers. His wife returned holding a white FedEx box, squinting at the label. “No name, but San Francisco return address. It’s not from Eliza, is it?”

She said it mildly, but he could see the confusion in her eyes. He shook his head. “Eliza’s in Santa Monica. San Francisco means Aunt Lucy.”

“Aunt Lucy?”

“Crazy great-aunt of mine. I think I’ve met her once. Lives on her own in Frisco, very eccentric, lots of money. She refuses to call them ‘Christmas presents’, as well. She calls it the annual Yule Tool.”

“And…is it a tool?” Mary asked, looking at the box with renewed interest, as if she expected Jed to open it and pull out a buzzsaw or maybe some nuts and bolts.

“Usually no, which adds to the ridiculousness. Give it here.”

Mary handed over the package and draped herself over the couch next to him, watching as he reached for the scissors and tore open the box. Jo had retreated to her spot beneath the Christmas tree now, where she watched with curious green eyes as Jed took out a mountain of bubble wrap and set it aside. He pulled out two small boxes, one of which he handed over to Mary, and the other that he tore into a bit too eagerly. In his he found a set of decorative spoons with snowmen for handles, and he rolled his eyes. “Just what I always wanted,” he quipped, then turned to Mary. She was holding a plastic box of what looked like giant foil-wrapped candies, and Jed titled his head in confusion. “Eight deluxe crackers?” he read from the top of the box. “What the hell?”

Mary turned it over. “’Christmas crackers originated in England during Victorian times,’” she read. “’They are traditionally used in the UK to celebrate holidays, particularly Christmas and New Years’…I think we pull them open and there are prizes inside.” She glanced at Jed, then set to work on tearing the box open.

“It’s still over a week to Christmas,” he protested.

“And you need some Christmas cheer. Come on, grab and end and pull.”

It took a while, because Jed had a decided lack of enthusiasm and a growing wariness of whatever was inside this “Christmas cracker”, but eventually, with a little pop and a hint of smoke, it opened. Mary excitedly dug through the loot inside–a small plastic toy, a riddle written on red paper, a tiny trivia game, and a colorful paper hat. Jed chuckled and shook his head. “Very useful, thank you, Aunt Lucy.”

“I think it’s kind of cute,” Mary admitted, unfolding the yellow paper crown. “Do you feel better now.”

Jed nodded. “Good. Here, put it on me.”

Jed settled the paper crown onto her head with a satisfied smile and leaned back, glancing briefly up at the TV screen. His jaw dropped.

“Jesus Christ, Mary! Did you sit on the remote? What the hell are we watching?”

“No, this is part of it. It’s one of the storylines.”

“ _Pornography?!_ ”

“They’re stand-ins in an adult movie. Have you honestly never seen _Love Actually?”_

Jed looked away. “Eliza was always more into the sappy Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. And _National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation_ , although she didn’t like to admit to that one. Much easier to pretend to watch while secretly working on patient charts.” He grimaced. “If you were wondering where our relationship went wrong…that was probably one of the contributing factors.”

Mary chuckled, reaching for the remote. “Forget the wrapping, then. We need to watch this from the beginning. And pop open another Christmas cracker. We need to be as British as humanly possible for this.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is another contribution to my "Jed and Mary as newlyweds" universe that began in "Where the Love Light Gleams" and continued with "With a Voice as Big as the Sea." I really need to come up with a name for this series.
> 
> Once again I have borrowed from my own life with Aunt Lucy (name has been changed) and her Yule Tool, although my great-aunt has never sent Christmas crackers! I took the description that Mary reads, modified, from a real box of Christmas crackers we had in our Christmas closet. I also gave Jed my inability to wrap a present neatly. XD Title comes from Deck the Halls.


End file.
